I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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