Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
