Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
