i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
