Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
