20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
