You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
