Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
