There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
