So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
