I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
