I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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