just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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