Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
