new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
