Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
