wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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