Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
