Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
