I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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