I will die if light touches me.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You ruined the universe
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