I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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