I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize