Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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