That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Did you just see the Batmobile???
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
