my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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