I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
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