3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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