Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
