Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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