forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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