I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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