i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
