He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
