Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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