i think my mom watched the whole time
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
