This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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