I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
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I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
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If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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