He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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