When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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