So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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