I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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