I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
