By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize