I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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