at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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