So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
she was so not down for the gang bang
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I have already put on my inside pants.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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