Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize