You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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