that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize