That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
