She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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