i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
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I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
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He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.