She said her name was "party"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
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we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet