Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!

  (1-313): View more from Michigan

  it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...

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  (313): mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up! (1-313): it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me... http://tfl.nu/s17x
  Replies (13) Good night (836) Bad night (1892)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.

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  (203): i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse. http://tfl.nu/mns9
  Replies (13) Good night (706) Bad night (4368)
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  (407): View more from Florida

  do you ever just like the smell of your farts?

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  (407): do you ever just like the smell of your farts? http://tfl.nu/zlob
  Replies (39) Good night (4201) Bad night (4130)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds

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  (713): Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds http://tfl.nu/uf3z
  Replies (11) Good night (4740) Bad night (790)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus

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  (817): 90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus http://tfl.nu/i6dy
  Replies (15) Good night (8121) Bad night (995)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...

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  (541): She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets... http://tfl.nu/jeys
  Replies (28) Good night (6815) Bad night (1780)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.

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  (406): Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule. http://tfl.nu/1636
  Replies (4) Good night (1142) Bad night (488)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.

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  (574): I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child. http://tfl.nu/o0ig
  Replies (8) Good night (1769) Bad night (552)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees

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  (+44): I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees http://tfl.nu/l68t
  Replies (6) Good night (680) Bad night (903)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"

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  (704): Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen" http://tfl.nu/5w2n
  Replies (5) Good night (1054) Bad night (678)
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  (361): View more from Texas

  Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.

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  (361): Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment. http://tfl.nu/oa4j
  Replies (1) Good night (1222) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.

  (1-603): View more from New Hampshire

  You fucker.

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  (603): Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age. (1-603): You fucker. http://tfl.nu/7pi3
  Replies (6) Good night (1279) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.

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  (330): The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk. http://tfl.nu/09ej
  Replies (2) Good night (784) Bad night (286)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.

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  (512): Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess. http://tfl.nu/vcjk
  Replies (1) Good night (722) Bad night (266)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..

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  (347): Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that.. http://tfl.nu/n8po
  Replies (4) Good night (459) Bad night (340)

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