3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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