guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?