were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
