sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
