you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
