he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
