his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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