Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He better not be in your backpack
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
