Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
