So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
