Your tits are I can't wait for
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize