literally had 100 drinks last night.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
