There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You pole danced in your parka.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
