I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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