I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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