State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
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for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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