I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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