Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
