I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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