Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
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