I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
