i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
