I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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