u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
