She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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