scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
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