I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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