i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
