That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
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Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
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I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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