I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
