Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
two words: eviction party
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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