yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
