That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
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The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
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His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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