how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
