What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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