Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
