My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
